Lakers Told to Slow Down and ‘Lose a Few’ So the NBA Can Have a 7 Game Series & High Ratings

Boston-It’s no secret in today’s struggling economy everyone is struggling. It’s not just the little guy but also the big corporations with seemingly endless resources. This has played out in the NBA where the lucrative potential was put in jeopardy by what could be a blow out in the contest between the LA Lakers and the Boston Celtics.

Network executives have invested over 1 billion dollars to broadcast the games and in years past should’ve been able to make the money plus a profit within 4 games which is the minimum. However, because TV now uses a new advanced ratings system called the PWM (People Watcher Meter), ad buyers are able to pin point with sharp accuracy who is watching and who isn’t. This makes a big difference in determining ad rates and what products to sell. It’s also allowed ad buyers to negotiate rates game by game versus buying for a series.

Sex and the City gets high ratings

PWM has been both a blessing and a curse for network honchos who at times have been able to demand top dollar once its been determined they have a lucrative demographic. For example, one of the highest rated shows watched by white women 18-34 is Sex in the City via syndication. The PWMs determined that 7 out of 10 white women who make 50 thousand a year or more watch the show. This allowed ad reps to go to ad agencies who were paying 5-10 thousand dollars a spot and demand a whooping 100 thousand a spot if they want their product in front of a wealthy clientele. They also started selling more high-end product like Kia Sports cars and Rossi Boxed Wine.

With the Laker -Celtics series it was discovered that 8-10 people between the ages 18-34 were tuned into to watch the series in California, Arizona, Oregon and Seattle. 18-34 is the most lucrative demographic and top dollar has been asked and garnered for TV networks on the west coast. However the PWMs have shown that only 2-10 are watching the NBA finals in eastern cities. In Boston which is home to the Celtics a dismal 3 out 10 18-34 were watching. Initially it was assumed that people in the east cost were watching the NHL finals where the PWMs showed 8 out of 10 were tuned in, however media analyst determined that east coast viewers were simply not interested in the games.

Dr Marc Lamont Hill

Media pundit and professor Dr Marc Lamont Hill had this to say: “Nobody here on the East Coast is watching the NBA finals because Boston is hated. Me being a Philly guy I never liked Boston. New York the largest media market in the world is not going to tune into to watch a bunch of guys wearing green shorts run around. They have better things to do with their time… People in Washington DC still have a sour taste in their mouth since Boston rappers never incorporate GoGo music in their songs. It’s a hard sell to get people on the east coast to watch the Celtics…plus Rondo looks like a Muppet and he scares a lot of people away”.

White House media Czar Bernard Creekmur noted: “The American people have a basic understanding of fairness and it’s long been shown that the refs, many of them born in the New England area have tried to use their influence to help these Boston teams get by.  This is in alignment with the cheating scandal brought about by the guy heading up the Patriots football team.

The White House would like to investigate cheating allegations with the Celtics, but the low ratings seems to be punishment enough for the league. Also the President is no fan of cheaters. He’s going for the Lakers”.

Hank Pookerville says we the lakers have to help take this series to Game 7 so the NBA can make its money

Because of the low ratings, NBA execs sat down with TV network execs to craft a plan that would be a win-win for all involved. TV honcho Hank Pookerville explained: “We decided that the series is too boring and a quick run to victory would not be good for basketball. We live in a reality TV world that is looking for scripted action and activity. Our job is to create a compelling narrative filled with suspense and high drama. This is what the American people along the Eastern Seaboard want from TV…

Our numbers show that 9 out 10 east Coast viewers not only watch, but are smitten with Reality TV. They watch the Real World, The Kardashians , Making of the Band which has been hosted by Sean Piddy Combs a record 11 times and the Apprentice hosted by East Cost mogul Donald Trump.”

Pookerville went on to say that the Lakers have been asked to slow things down a bit and  be mindful of the rating because it impacts everyone in the NBA. It was suggested if the series can go to Game 7 it’ll be a big payday for everyone.

Pookerville thanked Celtic player Paul Pierce for punching the ref to help boost ratings. It was all for show and strictly scripted.

“There will be a game 7 in this series..Our goal to having high ratings depends upon it” concluded Pookerville. ”

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